The Heart of God

Last year, something triggered within me a massive anxiety attack. I was especially sensitive to the problems in the world and the struggles of others, perhaps the foremost among them being the seperation of loved ones, both by death and by choice. It tore me up inside for weeks, and I could not put my finger out why. But then I had a spiritual epiphany and wrote a lengthy note on it. This is what it was:

"Puzzling is the fact that the things that are bothering me truly are sad things, but my sensitivity to them (which is high anyway) seems to have been magnified, as if through a microscope. None of these triggers are irrational, but the amount of my reaction is.

This made me think. A lot. God has such deep emotions and sensitivity because He loves so deeply. He is not only the source of love, He is love. So if His love is so deep, His emotional reactions must be as well. He is sensitive to our problems and sins because He cares for us so much. And if He is sensitive to all that we do, and He knows all that we do, how must He feel all the time?

To be able to perceive all the cries of unborn children, and the starving in the slums of Africa, the people lonely in a hospital bed, the shouts of arguing parents, the cries of a child hiding behind the sofa, the wrath of hatred within a heart, screams of the tortured and persecuted, confusion of the non-believer, the last thoughts of everyone living, the brokeness of the living, and the eternal suffering of the dead in hell... how must He feel all the time? If His heart breaks for the living, will it also break for the condemned for all eternity? I know I could never handle it.

Parents, I know you hurt for your children when they hurt. How much more would God hurt for us? We are His children, both close and astray, and He is never cold, never apathetic...

And He even came to live among us, in this broken and fallen world, for thirty-three years before becoming Himself one of the lonely and despised hearts, mourning the death of a friend, tortured and humiliated at the hands of His enemies... He came down to the slums. He experienced the same pain, hunger, loneliness, desires, and needs that we have. He not only sympathizes, He empathizes.

"Abba." A phrase used by Hebrew children to their father when they want to be held; a term of endearment. "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” — Romans 8:14-15

Sometimes it's easy to see God as some distant Being, Someone who dictates with rules and regulations instead of Someone who desires foremost to have a relationship with us. We are His long-lost sons and daughters, and He searches for us like a shepherd searches for that one missing lamb. Because He is our Father, He guides us with rules within that close relationship. He stands in the mud with that hungry child in the slums, holds the child crying behind the sofa, stands between a man and that eratic car, douses the fire wrath of an enemy's heart, grips the hand of the person in the hospital bed, and speaks to the hearts of the lonely.

I had the desire a couple years ago to try and save a very special mare who suffered and died. I was stressing out because I imagined her terror and loneliness. In the midst of this storm, God gave me this verse: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -- Psalm 23:4. And it has meant the world to me since."

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